i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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