party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
