And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
