I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
