can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Randomize
