the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
