His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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