her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
