are you so shy because you have an std?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
