hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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