I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
