I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize