I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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