when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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