I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize