So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
