I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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