I could make wine with my vomit
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
