i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
