i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think I sprained my soul last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize