apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We smell like vodka and hangover
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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