hotel room ftw
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
