Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
