I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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