I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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