we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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