I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
