I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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