then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
