listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
