Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize