I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
