So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
