I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
