i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just cropdusted the office
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
