this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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