I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
