Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
