i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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