I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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