i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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