i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
