We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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