i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
