I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize