I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
