My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
