Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize