3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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