i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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