It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
