plz talk dirty to me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
