forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
