all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
