so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
