It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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