Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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