HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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