anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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