a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
