Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
