The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
