AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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