Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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