dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
