Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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