at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
