Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
