I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
