Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
