Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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