The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
