How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Less talking, more tequila
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
