I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
