She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
where are my eyebrows?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i out mim tonsoeep
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize