it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
