I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize