Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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