Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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