well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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