im holly from the hills drunk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize