No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
