all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
