okay pat passed out under dana's car
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
