Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
