is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
