how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
false alarm, still single
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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