your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
