My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
try to milk me bitch
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
