mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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