I should be sponsored by Trojan
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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