i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize