I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You're like the curious george of whores
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize