Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
