Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
