Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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