Dual....:-)
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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