the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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