I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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