Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
