So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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