I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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