I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
