definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize