The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
