I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
