That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
