Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
