You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
