May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
