every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
