I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
