I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
