when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
