dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
