SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
