I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize