Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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