I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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