Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
