i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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