You're so nebulous sometimes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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