Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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