I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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