Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
