my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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