My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
