try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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