so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
